“Le Petite Mort”
I guess I am a freak. I mean that’s what everyone always tells me. I don’t really remember my actual name anymore. I think it was John, or Tim or something like that, now everyone just calls me freak. I am 7 years old, I stand 4 foot 5 inches tall. My hair I hear looks like someone dropped a brown mop on top of my head. I have one green eye and one blue. My skin is so pale and white it is almost translucent. Apparently, according to the girls in my class, I have no fashion sense, or as they put it,
“It looks like Mr. Rogers and a gay cowboy moved in with each other and I raided their closest.” Well fuck those bitches, I don’t even dress myself, my mom picks out all my clothes, and I happen to like what she picks out for me.
I remember it was hot as Hell. As my grandma would say you could fry an egg on the sidewalk. I was digging up earthworms and dropping them on my driveway to see if they could find their way back to the grass before the sun killed them. As I was digging in the garden a small green beetle with a horn for its nose went wriggling by me. I decided to follow it and see where it lived, when its shell split open and wings came out, it took to the sky and began to buzz away. Without thinking I got up and began chasing after it. I chased it as long as I could, determined to catch the little bastard. Until it flew straight up into the air and disappeared. I stopped dead in my tracks when I could no longer see it. I stopped looking toward the sky and began looking around at where I was. I didn’t recognize it. It was a huge field, surrounded on all sides by giant trees that reached so high they nearly blotted out the sun. The golden grass in the field had grown tall from years of going unmaintained. A large dead log sat in the center of the field, its limbs twisting out like hands trying to grab at anything that passed by it. At the very corner of the field sat a small church, it was so far away and hidden among the trees I had almost missed it. I began to run through the grass towards the church, I pretended I was in Jurassic Park and that Velociraptors were chasing me. I was running as fast as I could, gasping mouth fulls of air into my lungs, my legs began to burn and feel rubbery, my side, just under my rib cage got a stabbing sensation. As I was running I noticed a tree that had a small carving in it. A heart that contained the letters J.C. and T.D. I ran past the dead log, my shirt got caught on one of the limbs and ripped. The sky began to turn black and threatening. I felt a rain drop hit my cheek. A large boulder near the church began to gradually turn black as rain hit it. Then the sky opened up dropping buckets of water down on me, with in seconds I was soaked. I made it to the churches front door, it was splintered, barely hanging on the hinge. The entire building looked far beyond condemnation. The stained glass windows that I have no doubt were beautiful at one point, were now broken and shattered. There were vines beginning to claim the church for themselves. The paint had been worn off from years of harsh weather.
The storm began to worsen and the wind picked up, causing the entire church to lean to one side, one stronger gust and it would probably collapse. Yet even with the condition it was in, I heard sounds coming from inside. There was music, it was too faint to tell what it was, but music of some sort. There were people in there, I could hear them talking and moving about. I looked around at the field one last time. The golden grass blowing in the harsh winds. The tall forest surrounding it. And that black dead log in the middle. I turned and walked in through the church door.
“Surprise!”
I was nearly knocked onto my ass. The inside of the church did not match the outside of it in a single way, except you could tell it was a church. Other than that everything looked new and pristine. There was a giant organ with pipes reaching up a hundred feet. There were beautiful paintings of God holding baby lambs, the devil tempting Eve, and people sacrificing each other. Brand new red carpeting, pews fit for Jesus Christ himself to sit in. Up near the alter though there was a coffin. It was rather small, big enough for a child maybe. I started making my way up the center aisle towards it, when everyone stopped me.
There were at least 100 people there. Everyone through out my short life. My parents, teachers, aunts, uncles, cousins, my friend I had in Kindergarten who moved away and I hadn’t seen in a couple years. The bully who stole my lunch money every Tuesday. Even the girl I used to pretend was my girlfriend, Tina Berlow, international super model. They all came up to me, patting me on the back, shaking my hand, smiles from ear to ear. That’s when my sister walked out from a back room with a cake. It looked like one of those deals you would get off a television show, like “Cake Boss” or something. It was a cake of me, hanging from a tree by a noose. All at once everyone there started singing.
“Happy death day to you, happy death day to you, happy death day dearly departed, happy death day to you!”
I stood there shocked. I didn’t know what else to do so instinct took over and I blew out the candles.
They cut the cake and were passing out pieces when the speeches started. There were a couple memorable ones, like the one my bully gave.
“I steal your money every so often, now who am I going to get money from huh? Did you think of that? Obviously not, kind of selfish, I really wanted to buy the new Death Hunter 3. Well thanks a lot!”
Or the speech that my Aunt Muriel gave.
“Oh my God, I cant believe its already your death day! You’re so young! Why I remember when I found out your mother was going to have you. She called me crying hysterically. You see, you were an accident, never supposed to be. She called me saying she was scared, she didn’t want a kid. She asked if I thought she should get an abortion. I told her no, saying they were expensive and sometimes didn’t work quite right, and could hurt her. So I guess in a way, I saved your life. Youre welcome! You never even said thank you.”
It was touching, really. Finally after all the speeches were done my mom and dad took me by each hand and led me up to the coffin.
“Climb in.” my mom said.
I guess this was it, a mediocre end to a mediocre life. I got in the coffin and they closed the lid. I could hear the party continue outside for a good three hours, and there was a small hose on the top of the coffin and every so often I could see someone pass by it. Eventually everyone left though and I laid there alone. I started to get bored when the beetle I had been chasing crawled in through the hole. I took it in my hand and began playing with it. Maybe death wouldn’t be so bad after all.
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