Attack of the woman beast.

How do you know when you've crossed that line from just a somewhat not nice person, to an all out horrible human being? Guess you just know when you get there, huh?

My new thing yesterday, yelling at an escalator diva... now if you don't take the el very often you might not realize, but there is nothing more annoying than when you step on one of those small escalators going up behind someone and they just stand the whole way up. I know, I know, there are stairs right there, why not just take those. BECAUSE, most people usually have the decency to keep walking even on the escalator, so it gets you to the top that much quicker. But those fat, lazy, annoying, prima donna, spoiled little sluts who plop their asses on the first step and stand firm annoy the crap out of me. Especially because they stand still and dont budge with such conviction. Like they are facing down a tank in Tiananamen square, doing something they should be proud of. Sure you can cough and clear your throat all you like, but little miss thing in her adidas running shoes and spandex pants that are struggling with every wriggle, will not move. Doesn't matter there is a line of people on the escalator behind her all tapping their feet and staring at the back of her head so hard it should catch on fire. The person does not move! So yesterday when I found myself victim to one of these incessant trolls I decided enough is enough. If Rosa Parks can sit in the front of the bus, if Lady Godiva can ride naked, if Harry can face you-know-who, then I could confront my demon.

I cleared my throat loud as I could and said, "Excuse me, miss?" She ignores me. Louder this time. "Hey, miss!?" She turns a little, as much as her large proportions will let her. With a confused look on her hairy, gender confused face she said, "yes?"

"Im kind of in a hurry, you mind walking?"

"Well if you're in a hurry why didn't you take the stairs?"

"because moving stairs, usually go faster than non moving stairs."

she rolled her eyes, twitched her unibrow, and turned back around. Within three seconds we were at the top so she didn't ever have to walk. Not really worth in the end I guess, but at least I picked my battle and finally said something to one of them.

side note- In all fairness she probably wasn't actually all that ugly, in fact by some standards she was probably pretty, but when you're annoyed as fuck with someone they could be Jennifer Aniston, you would still think they look like Roseanne Barr.... not that you would ever get annoyed with Jennifer Aniston, just saying...

What a day for a daydream

The new thing I am trying right now, which i guess is not technically new...

Going to bed before Im tired. And before 2 am. Thats right folks, you heard it here first. I am going to bed before 2 am. I havent done that since, well high school i think... its been a while. Plus Im not really tired yet, but I am going to bed anyway. Hazah! To me it is something new, and unheard of. Insomnia is not easy to turn your back on, and I have been trying to break up with her for a while now, but like that ugly blind date of yours who turned out to be a psycho bitch and emails you ten times a day, she just wont go away...

So here is the first step in a long journey of sleeping a normal schedule. Of course it will be aided by over the counter drugs... I mean, Im not superman here..

My room smells like sour milk...

Ah-ha! I dont know... anyway, like always, tried something new today.

I officially asked a guy out on a date. I have been on dates with guys of course, but I have never "officially" asked, its always been, "hey lets get together sometime" or "you like alcohol? I like alcohol!" I have never actually officially asked for a date. And today I did, well sort of. I did it through text message. Does that still count? It removes the fear of rejection, and the pain of having to ask in person and get shot down, but it also increases the chances of being shot down. Its much easier to say no to someone if you dont have to stare into their puppy dog eyes welling up with tears while you do it. Unless you're a cold, heartless bitch who gets their jollies from crushing peoples souls.

So, I asked, regardless of the method, I still asked. And as soon as I hit the send button on my phone I immediately wished Steve Jobs would get off his lazy ass and invent the unsend button. It was gone, out there in space on its way to the guys phone... at least back in the olden days if you sent a letter you could go mug the mailman and get it back before he delivered it, now everything is instant. You think something, and poof! Its sent. It seriously will one day get to the point where all we will have to do is think, "Man, I bet Janet looks hot naked..." and bam a second later Janet is reading a message from you that says, "send me a naked picture please." Anyway, off topic, not that the topic itself is all that fascinating... I sent the message, two minutes went by. Nothing. Ten minutes went by, nothing. Twenty-five went by, and nothing. We were texting back and forth before I had asked, and the moment I asked the texting stopped. Honestly, people just like to make me squirm. You ever get the feeling that God has a punching bag, and sometimes he likes to just tape a picture of you to it and go to town?

After a grueling, agonizing, undetermined amount of time I finally got a response to the question.

Let it burn...

What the new thing I tried tonight is... well, I cant say for a decent audience.

I will say this though, my life is changing rapidly, everyday without having to try there seems to be a new thing... Like this spring break I got in a car with my friend Amy, and we drove until we were sufficiently lost, we got a motel, went to the local bar, met a few people had some drinks, went back to our hotel room got drunk, trashed it, and the next day had a road trip back home and stopped at a casino on the way... I dont know why, but my life has changed more in the last couple of months than it has in the last, I dont know, couple of years...

Everyday is something pretty much new, and I love it... if you havent started your own, new adventure everyday, well I suggest you start...

Right now I am a little intoxicated while writing this, so it is taking awhile spell checking everything, but the reason I am intoxicated is because I tried something new today. every day. Just as you should do! Keep life interesting, after all the purpose of life is simply to live it, so start living kid.

Smile though your heart is breaking...

So yesterday the new thing of the day was to try and buy jeans that are outside of my comfort zone... this does not mean squeezing the crotch, well not really... usually i buy jeans that are a size or two big on me, just because they are more comfortable. But then I usually end up looking like M.C. Hammer's stylist dressed me, and I cant pull off that look. Not even Mr. Hammer could. So I bought jeans that actually fit. Hasah!

On Monday the new thing of the day was an irish mocha frappe, or something like that. Stacey and i did "brunch" at two o'clock on a monday. I also bought a few new books that I had never read, or even heard of, and usually i like to buy books i have at least heard of... Today, I am writing some slam poetry. I never considered it real poetry, I always thought of it as gangster wanna-be's who are on stage just talking loudly and fast. I saw the documentary, "louder than a bomb" today though, and I realized there is more to it than that. Great film by the way, i recommend you watch it! I have done other new things as well, one thing every day, but they are either boring or I dont even remember what they were...not that these new things are thrilling but at least i remember them, which is a shocker.

p.s. can someone please explain to me how what Wisconsin is doing right now is legal? I dont understand. I am very much so considering leaving this country to start my life...

Gin and juice.

Yesterday I had a party. It sucks being the host of a party. You cant have fun, you have to constantly be checking up and making sure everyone else is having a good time, and people are constantly asking you for things, it just sucks. But maybe thats just me, i may have a stick up my ass i dont know im still checking. Until i find it though i have to try and loosen up i guess. The party was fun(for other people) so thats good at least.

Tonight while drinking and watching some how i met your mother with some good friends, i decided the new thing of the day would be to try gin. I have never tried gin before, and let me tell ya, i dont think ill be trying it again. It tastes like melted crayons kind of... but hey, thats why im trying new things, to see what i like and what i dont.

A special shout out to Zinty. Probably the only one reading this blog ha, I love you zinty, your message helped me a lot! POINT!

Forgiveness

The new thing of the day... Forgiveness.

Now its not that I havent every forgave anyone before, or never tried it, i have... plenty of times trust me. But recently someone hurt me pretty bad, extremely recently, today actually. And I used to be very very close to this person, closer than i was to almost anyone. If you know me, then you know I am a big fan of holding grudges. I am like Lilly from "How I Met Your Mother" when someone hurts me bad enough, then they become dead to me. I dont forgive for the big things usually. And I didnt think I would be able to forgive this person. However in the spirit of living my life fully and for me, which is what this whole endeavor is about, I have decided to try and forgive them. Move on, and leave it behind me. And i think i have succeeded. I am not over it, and not completely forgiven, but I am trying and so far it is working. I dont wish them pain or unhappiness... Im not exactly praying for Gold to fall from the sky into their lap, but at least I dont want them to rot in Hell, and hey, thats a start right?

p.s. yesterday my new thing was cleaning the stove... ha, yes I am that bad of a house keeper.